alright, long time no see guys! how were your valentine days? well, two days ago was a VALENTINE days for every couple
but not for me. It was like a FUCKlentine!!
why i said so? let me tell you why..
First, at the fucklentine eve's i knew that the boy who's stolen my heart was felt in love with another girl. its not fair! i know that im nothing for him but i just can't accept it! it was a painful reality for me! and you guys know? on that time i saw his twitter account, his tweet was all about that girl! oh god, i can't take it. i feel so hurt! im not kidding/lying. i never felt this way before. i cried all day long!
"I thought that from this heartache, I could escape. But I’ve fronted long enough to know!"
Second, on 14th Februari 2011 I got an accident. it doesnt matter for me if im not brought my best friend dini in a trouble. But it just happened. im really sorry to hurt her. Im speechless. im really weary that she would sick because of me. she cried that time and I just told her to go to clinic with mayang. I tried to stand up and pushed my motorcycle looking for a repair shop around. afterwards i went to the clinic and i saw her at the bed cryin' with all people she called. i was afraid that something gonna happen to her. im ignore my own pain i just thougt about her. then we picked her up to her home. i was thought that her parents would be angry to me, but they didn't. so i went home and try to pretend that everythings is okay. "But actually not, im not okay!"
Third, the day after i woke up late. I felt worst. i do everything as usual and still pretend. But i dont even know why everyone around me was too sucks on that day. my sister, my father, everyone! im tired. it feels like no one understand. they treated my like a servant and they would angry if i didnt do what they want. oh god! frankly, i asked the Goddest "why dont he take me out from this hell world??" at night i cant take it for along time. i cant survive. i asked my uncle to accompany me to the doctor, then we go. i hv to eat 4 kind of drugs and my uncle make a permission letter for me so now i can absent from the class.
and what about now? im just spend my free time to sleep and surfing. this morning my father was angry with me as usual. i wondering, what his another hobby except angry?? i got a headache and he enjoying speech to me. how's bad? fortunately, my cousin come with his girlfriend so i could runaway from my daddy! afterwards he went to some place-i dont know where-and till this time he havent yet home. i think he didnt wanna with me. and he dont even care to me. oh god, once again i miss my mother there. if she were here, she would taking care of me... "God, can you tell her that i really really misses her more than the sun misses the moon??"
but please tell her that everybody's here were fine. she doesnt hv to worry. 'cause with me everything is okay even i hv to pretend as usual. that is my only talented i hv.
well guys, i think that all what i wanna tell you today.
see ya next time!
PS : I LOVE YOU